Narrow Circle
My mind has been busy lately. Of what I'm not sure.
At night I dream nightmares of death appearing in different shapes. One night I'm the grim reaper cutting a mans face into halves, another night one of the most important persons in my life passes away and that's how I die without dying. I know death. I've felt him, I've shaken his hand, shared his burden and worn his robe. and it doesn't fit me.
Awake I daydream about other places and parallell universes. I look at the window and I see reflections from another world. I see bright lights and shining orbs. I see myself as a fire-spitting dragon. Maybe it's that last Game of Thrones episode I'm thinking of. I can't seem to tame my mind ever. It just walks where it wants, whenever it wants.
My yoga teacher would tell me that I have an untrained mind. Steady your mind, she'd say in her own calm way. Mind over matter mind over matter mind over matter. I know i know i know. I trust people who've found serenity, they know something I do not. When I first started with meditation I learned that I've never truely taken a deep breath in my life. No wonder I'm suffocating, I can't even breath properly.
My doctor would tell me it's ADHD. Cause I can't seem to focus on anything for more than 10 seconds. And. I can't follow instructions. And. I'm just too restless to wait for anything. Except that's a lie, isn't it? I spend eternity as a hard value on things that sticks to my attention. I let things like that consume me, chew me up and spit me out. It's the boring things that makes my mind wander. I'm not the problem here Dr.
My intuition tells me I'm bored. You're always hungry, it says in disguist. Always thirsty. Always burning. Always freezing. Always looking for meaning where there's none. Constantly seeking your way to escape this narrow circle your life is to be destined. You want to do, whatever you want to do. Whenever you want it. Untamed and unchained. Fully breathing. With or without ADHD and without Death chasing you fire-breathing ass. That and nothing else.
And if nothing else, then why not that?